My One Regret

Can you imagine,
Years from now ,
Sitting somewhere staring at nothing,
Imagining what if I had made a different choice,
Maybe listened to my inner voice.

Follow your heart,
Live everyday as if it was your last,
Don’t have regrets when you look back.
All these seem like dialogues,
from some age old movie.
But believe me its all true,
this coming from a girl,
Whose story I am going to tell.

A silent,sweet ,shy girl
Too quiet, too afraid
To speak her mind,
Behave the way she wishes,
Because she didn’t know what
the others will say.

Unsure of her place in world,
She skirted the edges of the playground ,
Watching her brother play & laugh,
With kids her age and above.

She had desired many a times,
to be part of their cheer & joy,
But never so much like,
The first day she saw the child.

A beautiful child maybe not in everyone’s eyes,
But for her when it counts,
His laughter would light up his whole face,
And give hope for people ,
Having much more than he ever did.

The words he spoke couldn’t be understood,
His feet were twisted and he walked with a limp.
But the joy on his face,
Won’t let you notice all that,
But wanna make you keep staring,
at the beautiful creation of god’s grace.

Bright eyes, rosy cheeks,
He would laugh and play all by himself,
even when others teased him,
he would just smile,
and continue playing in the sands,
Like any other normal eight year old.

Children would make fun,
parents would look at him with pity.
But none of it mattered,
Because there was a world he desired,
right in front of him,
among the sands and slides.

The boy was someone I knew,
and the girl was me .
I would imagine standing up,
Going & pulling his chubby cheeks,
Making him laugh,
& playing with him when nobody else did.

I kept imagining but never got the courage,
and time just went by.
Next day I moved out of my house,
met two girls who lived nearby,
asking me to keep my head low,
and hurry wherever I had to go.

I asked what’s wrong,
they said some boy died,
I did not connect the dots yet,
until they said it was him,
the boy with the broken feet.

He had a hole in his heart,
and had a limited time to live.
Everyone except me knew ,
But no one expected this soon.
Something went wrong at doc’s place,
and he wasn’t coming back ever again.

I nodded and went to school,
Didn’t utter a word,
nor shed a tear.
Until it all came rushing in,
When I laid down in the dark.

I couldn’t stop the tears rolling down my cheeks,
couldn’t forgive my cowardice,
for not having the strength to make a child’s life better,
So much I loathed myself
in the darkness of the night,
That I promised myself never to
revisit the girl who  was shy.

I pushed boundaries, found myself,
Killed my inhibitions,
Struggled out of the shell.
Because one regret is enough for a lifetime,
anymore will make it hard to survive.

So here I am ,out in the open.
No more secrets, no more shy.
Pushing every line I ever knew,
Fighting even when I want to give in,
So that I don’t have anymore regrets when I die.

just smile^_^

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