Not at all

You want to know
What’s inside
Let me show you
Bare the person
You think you know
Don’t tell me later
you wish
You hadn’t

I shut my eyes tight
So that the shame , guilt & regret
Doesn’t leak through the edges
To blur & clean the now
How could I
Leave him behind
When I have seen his tears
Felt the anguish
As everything we know
Seems so fragile
Night after night
Dawn after dawn
We have pleaded,cried , screamed
Please stop
Please don’t
Our voices hoarse & broken
Begging to be heeded
To save figment of reality
Always so uncertain
Always so unpredictable
One moment we are basking
In the warmth of laughter
The next wincing
As we walk over
Shattered pieces of memories
How could I just walk away
To a place miles away
Under the pretense & lie
That I am the reason
& it will be better if I go.
How could I let him
Be on his own
To face the consequence
To the fall of misery
I have brought on us

I bite my lip to
Hold back the sob, catch the wail
Before I break the illusion
Of the girl contemplating
another crazy thought of her
Not falling in the abyss within
There are lot more regrets
& things I should have done
But except this occasional outburst
I don’t feel a thing
Just a single wish
Hope , plea
As impossible as it is
But only one I want
If only I wasn’t there
No not die
If only I didn’t exist
Not at all

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